Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling

Often one partner is a little more eager and engaged than the other. Sometimes it’s tense, sometimes quiet. Most common is the pursue-and-withdraw dance, one person reaching, the other pulling back. And here’s what stays true: whatever brought you in is almost never the thing you end up working on. Underneath the fight about money or the in-laws, it’s usually some version of *I feel unseen, unheard, undervalued*, or *there’s so much between us now that I don’t know how to get to you.*

So couples therapy comes down to trust, vulnerability, and the willingness to risk reaching for each other again. We draw primarily from the Gottman method and Emotionally Focused Therapy, which pair well because they hold emotion and the relationship together. Safety first, then connection, then the patterns.

• The same argument on repeat, with a different subject each time
• One partner reaching, the other pulling back
• So much built up in the middle that you don’t know how to get to each other anymore
• Feeling unseen, unheard, or undervalued by the person closest to you
• Rebuilding after an affair or a broken trust
• Two people who agree on what they want and fight constantly about how to get there
• A relationship in a big transition, like a move, a new baby, or a career change
• Deciding whether to stay, and wanting help thinking it through honestly

Early sessions are about getting under the presenting fight, which tends to sit on top of something simpler and harder. Safety comes first, because two people can’t reach for each other while braced. Connection comes next, and then the patterns, some of which trace back to childhood attachment and some of which are just tactics that worked once and don’t now. A lot of what looks like a values conflict turns out to be a conflict of strategies between two people who want the same thing. Once that’s clear, you can put options on the table without either of you knocking the other’s down.

Available in person or by telehealth.

Samantha Reed works primarily from the Gottman method and Emotionally Focused Therapy, which pair well because one handles the emotion and the other handles what two people are actually building together.

Rohan Roy has additional training in nonviolent communication and starts from values, getting a couple grounded in what they both want before touching how to get there. Both of them will tell you the hopeful part is watching two people who have already hurt each other take a step forward anyway. That’s an exposed thing to do, and there’s real risk of loss in it. There’s also the possibility it becomes something different, which is the whole reason to try.